11 Life Lessons I Learned My First Year Without My Sport
One year later. My first year without the sport that defined me my entire life. So much change. New truths learned. It felt like the perfect time to write part two. This time, instead of 11 Life Lessons I Learned Playing Professional Soccer in Europe, it’s 11 Life Lessons I Learned My First Year Without My Sport.
1. The beauty of new beginnings
The concept of a new beginning is both exciting and nerve-racking. When the time comes, it comes down to how you view it — because perspective is everything. There’s beauty in the first page, the fresh start, the blank slate. ‘The most charming part about it is your ignorance of how it will end. The way your life begins after saying goodbye to something or someone that was.’
For me, when I retired from soccer, it wasn’t about replacing it but accepting that things were going to be different. When you’ve done something for so long, you wonder if anything else will bring you the same joy, fulfillment, or identity. Sports, especially, are irreplaceable in many ways — there’s something so amazing about them that just can’t be replicated. Ending my soccer career felt like the world (my world) stopped, when really it was a beautiful beginning in disguise.
At a yoga class recently, the instructor said ‘Having the courage to keep beginning is what gets you to your destination. When you choose to hold onto what you lose or to your old life, it’s impossible to see the beauty of what’s unfolding right in front of you.” Realizing you’re in the prologue of your new chapter gives you two choices: embrace the change or fight it.
The beautiful thing about new beginnings is that they have no expiration date. “(Ideally) people live to be 80 or 90. When you think about restarting in your twenties or thirties, your restart period is longer than the previous time. Think about that. People assume your life ends when you hit a certain age. (When in reality) you can literally do anything you want.” Anyone can start new.
“To live a boring life is the biggest sin a human can have.”
So, new beginnings. What a beautiful concept.
2. People are everything
“There could be someone who walks into your life today, tomorrow, next week and it’s literally like you knew them forever. They are the exact person, with the exact energy and vibe, that you need right now.”
People are everything.
‘The right ones will make you feel like there is nothing missing from your life, and the wrong ones will leave you feeling empty all the time. We become the people we surround ourselves with. Your life will look similarly to the person you see everyday. You will do the same things. You will think the same way. You will believe in the same possibilities, and you will share similar doubts and fears. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are around the wrong people, I hope you find the courage to begin again. The right people will make a difference. The right people will be worth resetting for.’
@ronwritings
3. We are tiny
“Once you realize this. Everything gets a little easier. Life is so much bigger than the insignificant moments we overthink and stress over. Do what you love. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Live for you and love for you, because at the end of the day we are just tiny specs on a beautiful floating rock.”
You are allowed to be happy right now at this very moment. Kendall Jenner truly said in a podcast interview with Jay Shetty, ‘If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you’re at the mercy of things you can’t control.’ We live in a world where we are constantly told how things are supposed to look — by our parents, friends, teachers, coaches, bosses. You can’t make everyone happy. Your purpose is to find your own happiness and love.
If it makes you happy, it’s enough.
4. Redirecting is not giving up
We often ignore the signs pushing us toward redirection. Our brains are so fixated on the idea that our current identity is the only one that can exist, so we cling to it because it’s all we know. But when the joy fades, when the things that once made us content no longer do, it’s time to reevaluate. But this is our identity??? — it’s what we’re known for. Where will I find validation and acceptance if it isn’t from this? Will I still be relevant? Am I even good at other things? Did I try hard enough? Other people are succeeding so why aren’t I?
Redirecting is not giving up. It’s your body and the universe’s way of telling you there’s something brighter ahead. It’s uncomfortable, but necessary. Letting go is a process. But what if this redirection brings you something even better?
And on the days when you put on a brave face — while inside your mind is racing a million miles an hour — just remember to be gentle with yourself. Change, unfortunately, doesn’t magically happen overnight. We all have moments when we feel stuck in the past. Don’t let your brain tell you that redirection means you failed.
5. Your body will change, and everything will be okay
As someone who struggles on a personal level with this every single day, I simply couldn’t have said it any better —
“Your beautiful body is the only one you could ever need. I want you to remember that when it’s not the one you want. Remember that when you are granted one more day on this earth and you turn on the bathroom light in the morning and still shake your head in the mirror like there’s nothing worse going on in the world than the way that you look. Remember that when someone takes a photo of you in a candid blissful moment and the way your arm is pressed against your side, or the way your chin scrunches together when you laugh, is the way your day gets ruined. Your beautiful body is the only one you could ever need. Remember that while it merely acts as a protector for your insides. Your heart even when it's hurting. Your brain even when it's mean. Please hold that sentiment close to you when you’re in the backseat of a cab with your friends and you're lifting your legs from the seat to make them look as small as the person sitting next to you, when you are wishing that your body was their body. And they are wishing that their body was someone else's too. Your beautiful body is all that you need. There’s nothing wrong with it today and there won’t be tomorrow either. The dimples, the lines, the scars, the folds when you sit, the imperfections, the fears of your own reflection, the things you try and hide, even from yourself. The next time you look at your beautiful body and begin to shake your head in disbelief please don’t do it with anything but a smile on your face and just be in disbelief that this beautiful body has taken you this far. That you get to spend your life, with your skin, as a protector of your bones. They’re in there. You don’t need to see them to believe that your body is enough.”
6. When you are vulnerable, you give others permission to do the same
As humans, we naturally crave connection with others. It’s just part of who we are – wanting to feel understood, supported, and like we belong. But what’s scary is how easily we can lose our identity when we’re constantly searching for approval from the world, becoming consumed by trying to mold ourselves into a perfect version that doesn’t exist in hopes of being good enough.
Connection comes from vulnerability, which is one of our greatest strengths. When you show up as yourself, you give others permission to do the same.
One of my biggest fears is looking back on my life and realizing that I did not fear regret more than I feared failure (I heard this from Alexa Carlin during a speaker panel in college, and it’s stuck with me ever since). Vulnerability is uncomfortable and scary and can feel so isolating, but when you choose courage over comfort, you will see the power of vulnerability.
(I have a full post dedicated to the idea of vulnerability here :)
7. The best life advice I have ever read
Write it down. Read it again (and again and again). Take a picture. Send it to your family, a friend, whatever feels right!!!!
Life Advice.
Always be the best person you can be. Be kind even when you’re tired. Be understanding when you’re angry. Do more than you’re asked, and don’t ask for anything in return. Don’t silently expect anything either. Listen when someone talks, and really listen too, stop just thinking about how you’ll reply. Tell people that you love them and that you appreciate them. Go out of your way to do things for people. Be the greatest person you can possibly be and when you mess up, make up for it in the next moment or minute or day. One thing you should never do? Never spend your time trying to prove to anybody that you’re great, your actions will speak for themselves and we only have limited time on this earth, don’t waste it. If someone doesn't see your light, don’t worry. Like moths, good people are attracted to flame and to light, and they will come.
8. You are not who you were a year ago
We aren’t meant to stay the same. In fact, ‘Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to constantly edit your beliefs.’ — James Clear, Atomic Habits. Be the person who changes because when you are the person who changes, you are the person who is growing.
You are your own person. You get to make your own decisions. You get to formulate your own thoughts. You get to make your mistakes and you get to fix your mistakes. As you end one stage of life and begin the next you will never know for sure if the decisions and choices you’re making are the right ones. It’s not about instant gratification, though we often feel like we need everything right now. I feel it too—this rush to make everything happen at once.
9. Your 20s are The Panic Years
I recently listened to a girl describe her twenties as the "panic years," and I couldn't agree more—it's exactly how I’m feeling in my own twenties.
Your brain and personality change more during this decade than any other point in life. It’s a time full of pivotal decisions— where to live, which career to pursue, whether and when to start a family, and who to share your life with. It’s simply one of the most uncertain stages you’ll ever face. As Meg Jay writes in The Defining Decade, “knowing you want to do something isn’t the same as knowing how to do it.” Your twenties remain the most unpredictable years you will ever experience. Your twenties matter.
As humans, we crave certainty. We seek solutions, concrete answers, and clear direction. So when life doesn’t provide them, we can feel lost, overwhelmed, and really unsure of our next move.
“There is this enormous twentysoemthing pressure to get ahead, get married, pick a city, make money, buy a house, enjoy life, go to graduate school, start a business, get a promotion, save for college and retirement, and have two or three children in a much shorter period of time.”
Even the smallest shift in these years can radically shape where we end up in our thirties an beyond.
(I have a full post dedicated to the panic years here :)
10. Grow in silence
This is one of the most powerful tools you have. When you manage your emotions in those high stress moments and choose to calmly walk away unbothered instead of reacting to your emotions, it shows strength. Your silence is more powerful and intimidating than any other reaction.
Just after I landed in Kansas City, about to start my professional soccer career, I received a text from a veteran player in the league who had mentored me throughout my entire college career. Her message that day is something I’ll never forget. Although she sent it in the context of soccer, it’s advice I’ll carry with me wherever life takes me:
“I want you to hear from me, that you belong. Carry yourself that way and know it in your soul. Be humble, ask questions, take it all in but still be confident through all of it.
As much as you can remember in your sessions, find even the smallest moments to take a deep breath. Take a few. Things will feel fast but you will adapt if you keep with it and breathe.
People will complain, talk shit, make excuses for themselves or point fingers. Don’t engage. Just be you and keep walking. Silence is a lot more powerful than all of that, especially in these environments.
Enjoy it. Be intentional about how you respond to mistakes. They’re going to come, so shake it off, change your body language to the best version you have, and go again.
Smile and work your ass off. You belong.”
11. I will never not miss it
Simply put, there will always be a part of me that feels incomplete without soccer. While my body is extremely grateful for this new chapter, there isn’t a day that goes by where my heart doesn’t miss it.
And so we keep going. This time the number 12 is around my neck, instead of a jersey on my back.
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And to anyone navigating a new beginning — or even if you’re over a year in and still trying to figure it all out (like me)— just know there is always a way, even when it least feels like it. One day at a time. Forward movement. We are growing even when we don’t realize it. I feel you. I see you.
Enjoy the process of becoming.
