11 Life Lessons I Learned Playing Professional Soccer In Europe
1. The importance of moving somewhere that challenges you.
I always imagined moving to a new city after college, but by no means did I imagine I would move to a whole different country. Although my time was short, the six months I spent living in Denmark pursuing my professional soccer career allowed me to understand the importance of moving somewhere that challenges you and why we, as humans, need to do it.
Moving to Denmark forced me out of my comfort zone. Now I’m not saying that in order to grow, you have to move to another country, but it offered me a perspective I never could have imagined. I was surrounded by a new culture. I experienced language barriers and learned (well started to learn) a new language (thankfully all the Danes do speak English, so that was a huge blessing). I experienced the confusing reality that I could feel so lonely, yet be surrounded by so many people who I love, and who love me. I was given the opportunity to foster my independence while I created deep relationships and bonds with people from all over the world. My parents and my friends were in a completely different country. This exposed me to the reality of friendships overtime. Maintaining relationships and friendships is a choice. If you want them to last, you have to make them a priority and an effort. Make time, send a text, schedule a FaceTime, and show appreciation for the people you care about. I met people I can’t imagine my life without (let alone from all over the world). Being away allowed me to reassess the things in my life that are important to me while learning entirely new things about myself. I learned that sometimes things will change and won’t always go as planned. Have your moment of tears, anger, and panic (we’re human, it’s inevitable to skip this part), pause, recognize, and pivot your plans. Life can be really simple if you choose to make it that way. And most importantly, I grew.
2. There is no rulebook to the timeline of our lives
It’s time to stop waking up everyday and telling ourselves that we’re behind in life (this is mostly a reminder for myself). We are all on our own unique journey. We, as individuals, are the only ones who get to set the pace and the outcome of our own lives. I don’t care how cliche it is – comparison is the thief of joy and we must stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out. Nothing in our lives ever goes the way we think it’s going to anyways, so why do we still try to follow an exact timeline? I went to college expecting to play 4 years of college soccer. Instead, I played 5 years, got my masters, ended up being invited to Kansas City NWSL preseason (something I never would have imagined) where I ended up tearing my UCL, and then spur of the moment, decided to move to Europe for six months to continue playing soccer. I can tell you with 100% certainty, that I never saw that one coming. Trust your journey. You are doing better than you think you are. Nobody actually knows what they’re doing anyways. Right???
3. Lift people up to their potential and higher self
Every night before bed, my roommate (I thank God for bringing her into my life) and I would drink tea together. Each tea bag had its own small message on it that we would talk about. One message in particular stood out to me – “Always lift people up to their potential and higher self.” Good people don’t spend their lives putting people down. They lift them up.
One of the greatest gifts we have in this life is relationships (at the end of the day, isn’t that really what life is all about?). Let the people you love know it. Show them you care, encourage them to do things they feel scared to do, be there for the good times and the bad. Lift people up, don’t put them down. Remind yourself that it will never be your turn if you can’t clap for others, it’s a really good quote to live by.
4. However bad the situation is, you have the power to change it.
I went to Denmark expecting my playing time and my role on the field to be a certain way. Let’s just say, things didn't go as planned or how I expected them to go. The reality was that I literally rode the bench for the majority of the season (a perfect example that social media is not an accurate depiction). After countless moments of anger, frustration, and confusion (shoutout to my mom and dad for bearing the brunt of that :), I had a choice. I could continue down my path of disappointment and frustration (sorry if that sounds dramatic, but I went there to play and gain professional experience in hopes that I could come back home and fulfill my dreams of playing in the NWSL) or I could change my perspective and redirect my thoughts to appreciate all the things that were going my way (aka I could embrace the fact that I am living in EUROPE, surrounded by amazing new friends, thirty-five minutes from Copenhagen).
When you hit a bump in the road (which is inevitable), remind yourself that however bad the situation is, you have the power to change it. This was the hardest lesson I learned over my six months.
A good reminder:
“Please, if you are waiting for closure to move on, I hope you give yourself permission to let go. I hope you give yourself permission to let something end in the middle of a chapter. I hope you give yourself permission to connect with the fact that no closure is closure. That a half-ending is still an ending.”
— Biance Sparacino, Author
5. “Being lonely” vs. “being alone” (and learning how to embrace loneliness )
Solitude vs. loneliness. (I want to dissect solitude vs. loneliness more in depth in another post, but this will do for now). Solitude is a state of being alone without being lonely. Over the last three years, I have become very comfortable with being alone with myself, sometimes I wonder if i’m too comfortable with it. Yet there are so many scientifically proven reasons and benefits as to why we should spend more time alone. I believe the most important reason is that being alone allows you to become comfortable with yourself and find your own voice. Studies have shown that people who learn to find comfort in solitude tend to be happier, experience lower levels of stress and are less likely to have depression. Before we can worry about our relationships with others, we have to worry about our relationship with ourselves. In order to improve ourselves, we have to know ourselves.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is marked by a sense of isolation. The reality is that many people can feel lonely despite being in the presence of other people. This was confusing to me. How do I feel lonely when I’m surrounded by seriously amazing people? Modern society and social media have made us feel a sense of shame when we decide to compare our lives to what we see other people doing. There were moments while I was in Denmark where I would catch my self comparing on social media. I wasn’t home and I wasn’t going to be able to do what my friends and family back home were doing… so why am I worrying about it? Stop comparing and stop worrying that they’re going to forget about you ! Live where your feet are.
No matter how comfortable I am with being alone, I still have moments of loneliness. Don’t confuse “being lonely” vs. “being alone.”
6. Stop thinking about what you look like, how much you weigh, what you eat, and what you are wearing every second of the day.
Read that again.
Stop trying to be perfect. Don’t look in the mirror too long. Don’t let your appearance control your life. Social media has made us feel like we are supposed to look and dress a certain way in order to fit society’s unrealistic standards, but that ain’t it. Be different.
I’ve said this before, but it’s important to say it again:
You bring so much more to the table than our looks. Your friends, your family, and the people who love you aren’t friends with you and don’t love you because of how you look. Frankly, they don’t give a shit and/or notice what you look like. Convince yourself, trust yourself, and remind yourself that the people in your life aren’t in your life because of how you look (read full blog post here).
7. Stop waiting for everything to be perfect to be happy.
Life is short. And no one is reallyyyy paying attention to anyone but themselves. As I write this, I’m back home in Atlanta. As much as I loved to think that the world revolves around me and everyone was constantly curious about what I was doing overseas (haha), life goes on. When I got home, my life slipped right back into its normal routine as if the last six months had never even happened. My friends and family at home were still going about their lives and daily routines like normal. Two things learned here: 1. All that worrying that I did, fearing I was missing out, was a big fat waste of time. 2. The people you love are still going to be there when you get home. Duh.
So stop waiting for everything to be perfect to be happy. Stop worrying if you’re good enough. Life’s too short to be constantly waiting for things to change. Do the things that make you happy now.
8. Read Books
I don’t care which ones — but make it a priority.
9. You are doing better than you think so celebrate the little things
“You are closer to a breakthrough than you believe. You have come farther than you remember. You are doing better than you think, because your brain and body is hardwired to constantly focus on the next problem, the next threat, the next fear. This is meant to keep you safe, when really, it slowly fractures your heart. It makes you believe that nothing you accomplish is enough, that you are destined to live the rest of your life leaping from one high to the next, always bracing for the inevitable crash. Even if all you did today was keep breathing, you did enough. You are not only as worthy as you prove yourself to be. Your worth is a self-evident byproduct of the presence of your being. Maybe the point is that you stop and finally feel it.”
— Brianna West, This Is How You Heal
I know this is easier said than done, but this quote really resonates with me and is always the perfect reminder. We are so focused on the future, we forget to celebrate where we are and what we are accomplishing right now. I took a leap of faith and moved to Europe to play professional soccer, is that not simply enough to celebrate?
10. Put the phone down
There is so much more to life than scrolling on our stupid phones!!!!!!! Again, easier said than done and something that I am always reminding myself to do, but when I do this, I’m always reminded of its importance.
Talk to strangers. Listen to them, and learn from them.
A few years ago I interned with the Atlanta Hawks and each member of the organization who came to speak to us was asked to give us their best piece of advice. Jen Choi, who at the time was the director of impact and innovation, said “It’s not about how much you know, it’s about how you make people feel. Be a good human.” I live my life with this advice at the forefront of my brain. People will always remember how you made them feel.
I was given six months to talk and learn from people who live in an entirely different culture than me. Winter bathing is an extremely popular phenomenon in Denmark (something I wish more people in the states would adopt). This was probably my favorite thing about Denmark. Everyday we would go to the marina and jump in the cold water before sprinting to the sauna. The sauna was single handedly the place where I had the opportunity to talk and learn from the Danes. They told us stories and shared their lives and culture with us as we listened and compared. It was amazing.
11. Don’t buy what you don’t need
I left home with two medium size suitcases for six months. And guess what? I was perfectly fine. I had everything I needed. (Take this with a grain of salt – I am the first person to buy something I don’t need, but that’s why I am learning!!)
Thank you, Denmark.
